Celebrating Failure


A Thought, Big Three / Tuesday, March 7th, 2017

There is a strange phenomenon that exists in society which confuses me greatly. It is the idea of celebrating failure as some sort of admirable quality. I understand having a joke so you don’t cry, making the best of a bad situation. What I am unable to understand are the cults of failure.

I am not going to list all the sites I think fall down this hole. One because I don’t want to get into a twitter fight with someones failure cult and also I don’t want to advertise them. These people seem to amass groups of people who view any criticism as bullying and go into attack mode. If you can’t take criticism then you shouldn’t blog publicly because people can be horrible and they’re not going to change for you.

These people seem to work off the motto: my life is horrible and I fail, I’m real. While failure and horrible things happen to us daily don’t people want to do better? Improve rather than seek out more failure. There is a difference between acceptance and revelling in ineptitude.

I don’t understand this because with all my failures, I try to improve and do better. I try to make the best of the many bad situations that come my way. Maybe it’s that I have a different mindset to these people, but I feel underneath all the blustering they want to have success.


Here are the Big 3 types of failure junkies that I see:

1. The Proud Bad Parent

Why did you have kids? I want to ask this question so badly but don’t because of their cult followers. They seem to only talk about the terrible aspects of being a parent. Credit to them they always put at the end: I love my kids and its all worth it. Honestly though why did you have kids, if it’s that horrible?

They tend to present their problems as this is being a real parent. It’s like they’re saying all those parent who look like they’re enjoying themselves aren’t real parents. Their readers clap, oh you’re so real. Again why do you keep having kids? If I read a post like this from my mother I would be pissed off.

They complain about things that even I, a male with no children, know happens. The crappy nappys and behaviour of kids. They position them as articles letting you know the truth about parenting but they’re not uncovering anything. Maybe their coping skills need some work but its nothing new.

I understand the need to feel like you are normal, that you belong. This is where these sites grab their audience. Life can be horrible, and will be but focussing solely on the bad aspects can’t be good. Focussing on the problems and not the solutions can only make the problems worse. To avoid criticism by clarifying all of it as bullying shows that your point isn’t as strong as you thought.

crying-kid

There is also a subset of these bad parents that go on about needing wine to get through the day. If you need to drink to deal with parenting, your kids aren’t the problem your alcoholism is. You’re making reasons for your drinking.

I know enough people who have had kids that who you were before is generally who you are after. Sure some things change but how you deal with stress doesn’t. If you drank before you will drink after.

I don’t see a problem with having a quiet one but blaming your kids really absolves you of responsibility doesn’t it. It’s not funny and it’s why developed countries have suburban drug problems. You tell yourself your life is hard and pop another pill.

From watching my friends and family have kids I get that it’s not a picnic everyday. Frankly there will be times when you want to strangle them but if you are complaining more than you are praising than the problem is with you. This shit rubs off on kids, your celebration of failing as a parent will be an aspect of your kids personality.

P.S. If your kids is a shithead and is always getting into trouble that’s your fault. Maybe its just me but people saying I don’t know why he/she acts like that is laughable. Its you, stop being unsure and do something about your annoying children. Society will thank you.

2. I’m an Unfit Failure

I am not someone who is trim and in the best of shape. I love food, cheese is just the greatest thing on earth. That is ok, what is not is thinking that I don’t need to change. I do and everyday I try a little bit more. When did it be ok to celebrate being incredibly unfit.

The amount of memes on the internet that go along the lines of: I tried to get fit but pizza taste better, drives me crazy. It is not healthy to be fat, it’s a simple fact. This is separate to fat shaming you. You should get healthier; you shouldn’t feel ashamed for carrying a little extra.

What I firmly believe is you shouldn’t be proud of being fat. Now I know this sounds like fat shaming but it’s not. Your weight is a fact, you are Xkg and you can do something about it. Who you are as a person does not diminish because of the X. People tend to get these two confused, that your worth and your weight are the same thing, they’re not.

I think it is incredibly dangerous to have people who are severely overweight telling people that they don’t need to change. That asking you to change is shaming you. That is absurd, if I was to say I like heroin, it’s who I am and I love being a junky. You would say, you’re a moron stop the heroin. The same is true of smoking, if a little less dramatic.

hunger

Fat, heroin and smoking display differently but will end the same way. They affect your health and if bad enough you will die. Just because that fact upsets you doesn’t mean its any less true. Again separating your worth as a person from your weight is key. You should celebrate who you are, even the extra weight. You can do this and also try to lose weight. One doesn’t exclude the other.

Just so I’m clear unless you are close to a person and can do so in a sensitive way just shut up. It is none of your business if someone else is skinny or fat. Mind your own business. It helps no one when you bring it up, it makes people feel worse and likely to go and eat more. Trust me if someone needs to lose weight they know it, it’s no secret. The reason they equate who they are and weight is because people are horrible to them and their weight becomes apart of their self.

It is simple if you are overweight try a little each day, know that who you are is not determined by how much you weigh. If you are thinking should I say something to that person about their weight, don’t. In the very high majority they know it. If they make a change for the better pat them on the back, if they take a step back tell them it’s Ok.

We need to divorce feelings from facts, stop using celebration of failure to hide the fact you are afraid to change. Stop with the fat celebrating memes and ignoring the facts.

3. The Unique Personality

Humans need human interaction, that is indisputable. It’s absurd the amount of people who brag that they can’t talk to humans. Look at me and how awkward I am. This is apparently an endearing quality. The irony is that you are celebrating your horrible people skills so people will like you. How do groups of people who profess to hate groups always seem to congregate.

This goes to one of the things that drives me crazy, when people lie to themselves. They say oh I’m bad with people but who cares I like me. Then they post about how miserable their lives are. In usual fashion you have a bunch of people telling them they don’t need to change. Here’s a tip you do, a character flaw is just that.

Again it seems in today’s world if you say maybe think before you speak because you sound like an idiot. That is a horrible thing to say. Now obviously I would be a bit more tender but seriously. The myth that people should take you as you are is how we get racist old guys. You should try to change and if you don’t, you have given up your right to complain.

caribou.jpg

Friends of these people should stop telling them they don’t need to change. They do and that’s not a bad thing. We should all change, I’m not the same person I was ten years ago. That isn’t a bad thing, I haven’t sold out I’ve grown. You can have a Lego collection at 30, if you have the same personality as when you fit the age group you have a problem. If you still love unicorns that fine, but if it’s to the point where people don’t want to talk to you maybe ease up.

I have worked with a lot of people like this. They proudly say that they aren’t changing society should. I’m happy because I’m the true me. Then they come to work eyes puffy from crying because the person they were interested in turned them down. They had the cheek to say you were too childish.

You should have a strong sense of self but it should be malleable. That’s how you become successful. You can always play with your Legos at home, but don’t bring them into work. If they think you’re a child they won’t promote you and then you have no one to blame but yourself.


Is it just me or has changing yourself become a bad thing. Taking responsibility for your actions and trying to be better is now an unrealistic goal. Whether it’s indulging in the things you did wrong as a parent. Revelling in the fact that you are likely to give yourself a heart attack or never growing up. It appears that bettering yourself has become a taboo.

Perhaps it’s that self-responsibility is the dirty word. What I seem to see is people looking for someone else to be responsible. Society should change not me. The truth is society won’t change and it isn’t fair.

If you continue to indulge in your failure expecting others to change, you’re going to be really upset. The idea that you are special is wrong, you’re not and no one is going to change for you. Being able to manage situations that come to you, by taking responsibility will give you a better shot.

The idea that your failures as a parent are what makes your parenting real is absurd. What makes it real is your sacrifices, and the fact that you kissed the scraped knee and made it better. That’s what blogs should be written about. The same with the fact that you should feel comfortable in your skin but still strive to being healthier. There is no perfect but going for better is a good thing.

Your personality will not do you favours if you think it shouldn’t change. If you don’t grow you’ll be left behind. Change should not be a dirty word, you should aspire to it. Growth is important to your mental health, pretending you are happy with yourself only hurts you.

Being truthful with yourself is more powerful than people realise. Look for the truth and ridding yourself of fallacies. A better you is a better thing, a stagnant you is unhappiness. Try and get a little better and before you know it you’ll have achieved great things. If you don’t choose change, change will choose you and that’s much harder to deal with.

Byron

14 thoughts on “Celebrating Failure

  1. Hi Brontosaurus Poet/
    I would like to make some comments about your recent work, but I wonder if you have read my blog on “The Nuclear Family,” found at https://rawgodsspiritualatheism.wordpress.com/2017/02/25/the-nuclear-family/ ?
    I see we were both thinking along similar topics, but in different ways. I was thinking about the nuclear family, while you were writing about the”proud, bad parent.” Both of us want to see changes made in order to make the world a better place to be. So, on to your second point,
    I cannot agree with you on this point. I know too many people who have thyroid and bowel problems that cause weight gain, and prevent weight loss. I cannot let you get away with a blanket statement like that. I am sorry to say, but your statement is completely rude, and you are not the only rude person when it comes to someone being overweight and out of shape. As examples I will give you myself and my girlfriend. Back in the 80s I suffered from some kind of digestive problem. It took a whole series of doctors and specialists to diagnose my problem, ulcerative colitis. It was at least three years I suffered from this disease before it was properly diagnosed, and another four years of trying various useless medications to control the infection. During this time I gained over 50 pounds, and the reason I was given for this failure by medicine’s finest was that they did not even consider checking for colitis because I was gaining weight, not losing it. Colitis being a disease of the large bowel, I was not absorbing much of the goodness I was eating, and under normal circumstances I would have been losing weight. However, by body was used to processing fast foods, and litres and litres of cola drinks. That should have caused weight gain all my adult life, but my body learned to survive and even THRIVE on fast foods. In 1980 when I was 30 years old, I was an amazing 135 pounds. But when the diagnosis was finally made I had ballooned to 180 pounds and still gaining. I was also still smoking heavily at that time, which should have helped me stay slim. Even worse, I had started living with a woman who was very concerned about my weight, and she fed me so few calories I should have been a 98 pound weakling. But I gained another 10 pounds. Before we got married I gave up smoking cold turkey one morning, and I have never wanted a cigarette till this day. For once my body reacted as expected, and I blew up to 215 lbs. In 1993 it was decided that since none of the bowel drugs were working, it was time for me to have a total colectomy, I became part of a experimental group, and instead of having a colostomy pouch, I had a pouch built inside me out of the end of the small intestine, which was then attached to my anus. Again I gained a pile of weight, and soon I was at the heaviest weight I ever weighed in my life, 280 pounds. I started seeing a dietician, but she knew nothing about how to help a person with no large bowel. I developed a lot of sensitivities, and the list of foods I could eat became very short, and BORING. My wife and I had divorced by this time because of irreconcilable differences. As it turned out the experimental surgery was a total failure for me, and I have bounced back and forth between 260 pounds and 220 pounds ever since. After a while I said I am what I am, and there is no use fighting it tooth and nail. The doctors still cannot figure out why I cannot lose weight permanently. That is one reason I think your statement is rude.
    When I met my present girlfriend she was fairly large herself. As a young girl she suffered an infection in her thyroid, and it had to be removed. The thyroid is a very important part of body dynamics. It controls energy, and it controls weight. There is a drug that sort of does what the thyroid is supposed to do, but it doesn’t do it well. Within a few years she weighed over 300 pounds, and people stared at her as if she was a freak. Even doctors, who knew her problems, ranted on about her having to lose weight. How those people kept their jobs I don’t know, there was no sympathy at all from that group. Eventually a doctor suggested she get a stapled stomach,, so that she only had half a stomach. It took a while but he eventually convinced her to get the operation. She didn’t eat much before the surgery, and she eats even less now. Her weight did come down, to about 260, and it stays there even if she starves herself. Illnesses can and do create weight problems, and there is nothing short of dying that will work for either of us.
    This is just two people out of two who have weight problems because of medical issues. How many more are out there? You cannot, no one can, judge a person by their weight. The best thing we can do is accept our bodies for what they are, and learn to live with them. The best thing you and other people can do is keep your mouths shut, and the “freak stare” off of your faces. You have no idea how much you are hurting someone. I still like you Byron, and I’m not about to let this come between us becoming friends, but please learn to accept people as they are. You have no idea why their bodies are the way they are, and it is totally impolite to ask. Open up your mind, your hearts, and your arms. You just never know what you are going to find inside those minds. I repeat, please no more rude comments.
    Because I have a similar problem with your third complaint. Not everyone has to be like you for them to be good people. I have decent people skills, a brain that comes close to genius, and I have been unique all my life. I am not about to apologize for it. Stephen Hawkings was a very unique person, and definitely a genius, does that make him contemptable. All through the history of man the leaders have all been unique people, or they would not have been leaders. I’ll end this here, hoping I made a lasting impression on you in your 2nd complaint. And on anyone who reads this, such as thebeautyroomau, who agreed with your blog without thinking about it. If you are going to become the person I know you want to be, don’t judge anyone without some kind of proof that they are the way you think they are, or see them to be. Otherwise, Byron, you will become like your namesake, the brontosaurus. The dinosaur that we called the brontosaur never existed. DNA proved that the only skeleton of one ever found was made up of bones of different and smaller dinosaurs. I would not like it if there was never a Byron.

    rawgod

    1. Thanks for your comment.
      First I thought it was clear, that no one should be judged for their weight. They are seperate issues, your worth as a person is the not linked to how much you weigh. Also the fact that you are healthier in a lower weight range is not opinion but fact. The conditions you and your partner face are horrible because they add to your health risk. Also I did not set a goal weight, size or look. The normal weight range is one set by health professionals. I think we should aim to do better, as by the sounds of it you and your partner do. Aiming to get better is a good thing and I wish you luck in it.
      The vast majority of people who face weight issues do not have medical conditions as you do. Also I would never give someone a freak stare, and again as I said in the post you shout NOT comment to people. This blog is aimed at analysing how you move forward as a person (a personal thought process) and separating fact from the emotion that wraps around in it.
      My last point was not that you should be like me, I am outside of the average as well. My point is you need to be able to change your approach and outlook if you want success and cant find it. Expecting others to change is not going to happen. Stephen Hawking is a genius, but he did not expect the scientific community to change based on his views. He either worked hard to prove them wrong or accepted and moved on. His genius was the way he thought and approached problems. There isn’t isn’t a mould to fit, but if you refuse to change and remain unhappy that is a problem.
      I understand that the Brontosaurus was not real, I chose the name because its fun to say. No deep meaning I’m afraid.
      Also it would be appreciated that you not project on me what you think I want to be. I know who I want to be and am firmly on that path. It does come across as powerfully condescending, and from your previous kind words I will assume that’s not how you meant it.
      Byron

      1. Obviously I missed your tone, for which I apologize. Weight in our society, for people who cannot change, is a very sensitive subject. It is not so much the fact you mention it under any circumstances, it is the fact you mention it at all. It is the equivalent of a caucasian using the “N” word for a non-caucasian. Being on the outside, you cannot imagine what it is like on the inside. I’m don’t look as big as 260 pounds suggests, but my arms and legs are like chicken bones in comparison. Healthy or not healthy cannot be used as a divider, being overweight is a label, an unnecessary one.
        And when I read your “unique” label, I can only presume Americans use this word far differently compared to how Canadians use it. “Unique,” for us is a very positive complimentary descriptor, while the kind of people you were talking about would never be called unique in Canada. So I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree on that part of your blog. Written words do not carry any body language of any kind, and if you misinterpret the tone you can start wars. I definitely had no intentions of starting a war. as in, the part I wrote about the brontosaurus was supposed to be a joke, intended to make you laugh at the end of a serious comment. I guess it went over like a lead balloon.
        The thing this says to me is I have to be more aware of how, though we are using the same words and the same base language, the way we interpret the words can be miles apart. We almost have to define any “uncommon” word to be sure we are conversing without adversity. But that can quickly become very condescending. So all I can do at this point is apologize, and hope this type of misunderstanding never happens again.
        Still your friend,
        Jerry

          1. I’m the one from Canada. I actually had you living in the southern States. You living in Australia makes us just about cousins, and now I know why we use words so differently. Speaking to an Aussie is as bad as speaking to a Newfie. I have a lot of friends from Newfoundland but they talk weirder than either of us. Glad we got this straitened out. Now maybe I can get back towriting…

            Jerry

  2. Very thoughtful and thought-provoking post! I think it boils down to what I call the current culture of ‘me-ism’. The me-istic motto is “I am what I am, I have a right to be this, and if you don’t like it, tough sh#$”. It explains a lot of the intolerance we see in this world, as the culture of ME extends beyond just self, and ultimately demands that the world not only accept the ‘me I choose to be’, but conform to it. Yes, people should change … I don’t care how old, you are never too old to strive to be just a little bit better person each day. To lose a bit of weight, to learn something new, to treat others a bit nicer. But, sigh, it is simpler to just accept yourself than it is to realize that you could improve and take steps toward doing so. Good post!

      1. I can relate! I follow many blogs and try to make time to read at least 20-30 a day, but I usually fall woefully short of that. Just not enough hours in the day, and I spend 10-12 writing, both for my blog and a couple of online publications. Thanks, by the way, for following! I appreciate it!

          1. Glad to have a friend from Australia now! As re the metric system, personally I think it makes far more sense, but I seem to be in the minority on that one, at least in the U.S.

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