There is a strange phenomenon that exists in society which confuses me greatly. It is the idea of celebrating failure as some sort of admirable quality. I understand having a joke so you don’t cry, making the best of a bad situation. What I am unable to understand are the cults of failure.
I am not going to list all the sites I think fall down this hole. One because I don’t want to get into a twitter fight with someones failure cult and also I don’t want to advertise them. These people seem to amass groups of people who view any criticism as bullying and go into attack mode. If you can’t take criticism then you shouldn’t blog publicly because people can be horrible and they’re not going to change for you.
These people seem to work off the motto: my life is horrible and I fail, I’m real. While failure and horrible things happen to us daily don’t people want to do better? Improve rather than seek out more failure. There is a difference between acceptance and revelling in ineptitude.
I don’t understand this because with all my failures, I try to improve and do better. I try to make the best of the many bad situations that come my way. Maybe it’s that I have a different mindset to these people, but I feel underneath all the blustering they want to have success.
Here are the Big 3 types of failure junkies that I see:
1. The Proud Bad Parent
Why did you have kids? I want to ask this question so badly but don’t because of their cult followers. They seem to only talk about the terrible aspects of being a parent. Credit to them they always put at the end: I love my kids and its all worth it. Honestly though why did you have kids, if it’s that horrible?
They tend to present their problems as this is being a real parent. It’s like they’re saying all those parent who look like they’re enjoying themselves aren’t real parents. Their readers clap, oh you’re so real. Again why do you keep having kids? If I read a post like this from my mother I would be pissed off.
They complain about things that even I, a male with no children, know happens. The crappy nappys and behaviour of kids. They position them as articles letting you know the truth about parenting but they’re not uncovering anything. Maybe their coping skills need some work but its nothing new.
I understand the need to feel like you are normal, that you belong. This is where these sites grab their audience. Life can be horrible, and will be but focussing solely on the bad aspects can’t be good. Focussing on the problems and not the solutions can only make the problems worse. To avoid criticism by clarifying all of it as bullying shows that your point isn’t as strong as you thought.
There is also a subset of these bad parents that go on about needing wine to get through the day. If you need to drink to deal with parenting, your kids aren’t the problem your alcoholism is. You’re making reasons for your drinking.
I know enough people who have had kids that who you were before is generally who you are after. Sure some things change but how you deal with stress doesn’t. If you drank before you will drink after.
I don’t see a problem with having a quiet one but blaming your kids really absolves you of responsibility doesn’t it. It’s not funny and it’s why developed countries have suburban drug problems. You tell yourself your life is hard and pop another pill.
From watching my friends and family have kids I get that it’s not a picnic everyday. Frankly there will be times when you want to strangle them but if you are complaining more than you are praising than the problem is with you. This shit rubs off on kids, your celebration of failing as a parent will be an aspect of your kids personality.
P.S. If your kids is a shithead and is always getting into trouble that’s your fault. Maybe its just me but people saying I don’t know why he/she acts like that is laughable. Its you, stop being unsure and do something about your annoying children. Society will thank you.
2. I’m an Unfit Failure
I am not someone who is trim and in the best of shape. I love food, cheese is just the greatest thing on earth. That is ok, what is not is thinking that I don’t need to change. I do and everyday I try a little bit more. When did it be ok to celebrate being incredibly unfit.
The amount of memes on the internet that go along the lines of: I tried to get fit but pizza taste better, drives me crazy. It is not healthy to be fat, it’s a simple fact. This is separate to fat shaming you. You should get healthier; you shouldn’t feel ashamed for carrying a little extra.
What I firmly believe is you shouldn’t be proud of being fat. Now I know this sounds like fat shaming but it’s not. Your weight is a fact, you are Xkg and you can do something about it. Who you are as a person does not diminish because of the X. People tend to get these two confused, that your worth and your weight are the same thing, they’re not.
I think it is incredibly dangerous to have people who are severely overweight telling people that they don’t need to change. That asking you to change is shaming you. That is absurd, if I was to say I like heroin, it’s who I am and I love being a junky. You would say, you’re a moron stop the heroin. The same is true of smoking, if a little less dramatic.
Fat, heroin and smoking display differently but will end the same way. They affect your health and if bad enough you will die. Just because that fact upsets you doesn’t mean its any less true. Again separating your worth as a person from your weight is key. You should celebrate who you are, even the extra weight. You can do this and also try to lose weight. One doesn’t exclude the other.
Just so I’m clear unless you are close to a person and can do so in a sensitive way just shut up. It is none of your business if someone else is skinny or fat. Mind your own business. It helps no one when you bring it up, it makes people feel worse and likely to go and eat more. Trust me if someone needs to lose weight they know it, it’s no secret. The reason they equate who they are and weight is because people are horrible to them and their weight becomes apart of their self.
It is simple if you are overweight try a little each day, know that who you are is not determined by how much you weigh. If you are thinking should I say something to that person about their weight, don’t. In the very high majority they know it. If they make a change for the better pat them on the back, if they take a step back tell them it’s Ok.
We need to divorce feelings from facts, stop using celebration of failure to hide the fact you are afraid to change. Stop with the fat celebrating memes and ignoring the facts.
3. The Unique Personality
Humans need human interaction, that is indisputable. It’s absurd the amount of people who brag that they can’t talk to humans. Look at me and how awkward I am. This is apparently an endearing quality. The irony is that you are celebrating your horrible people skills so people will like you. How do groups of people who profess to hate groups always seem to congregate.
This goes to one of the things that drives me crazy, when people lie to themselves. They say oh I’m bad with people but who cares I like me. Then they post about how miserable their lives are. In usual fashion you have a bunch of people telling them they don’t need to change. Here’s a tip you do, a character flaw is just that.
Again it seems in today’s world if you say maybe think before you speak because you sound like an idiot. That is a horrible thing to say. Now obviously I would be a bit more tender but seriously. The myth that people should take you as you are is how we get racist old guys. You should try to change and if you don’t, you have given up your right to complain.
Friends of these people should stop telling them they don’t need to change. They do and that’s not a bad thing. We should all change, I’m not the same person I was ten years ago. That isn’t a bad thing, I haven’t sold out I’ve grown. You can have a Lego collection at 30, if you have the same personality as when you fit the age group you have a problem. If you still love unicorns that fine, but if it’s to the point where people don’t want to talk to you maybe ease up.
I have worked with a lot of people like this. They proudly say that they aren’t changing society should. I’m happy because I’m the true me. Then they come to work eyes puffy from crying because the person they were interested in turned them down. They had the cheek to say you were too childish.
You should have a strong sense of self but it should be malleable. That’s how you become successful. You can always play with your Legos at home, but don’t bring them into work. If they think you’re a child they won’t promote you and then you have no one to blame but yourself.
Is it just me or has changing yourself become a bad thing. Taking responsibility for your actions and trying to be better is now an unrealistic goal. Whether it’s indulging in the things you did wrong as a parent. Revelling in the fact that you are likely to give yourself a heart attack or never growing up. It appears that bettering yourself has become a taboo.
Perhaps it’s that self-responsibility is the dirty word. What I seem to see is people looking for someone else to be responsible. Society should change not me. The truth is society won’t change and it isn’t fair.
If you continue to indulge in your failure expecting others to change, you’re going to be really upset. The idea that you are special is wrong, you’re not and no one is going to change for you. Being able to manage situations that come to you, by taking responsibility will give you a better shot.
The idea that your failures as a parent are what makes your parenting real is absurd. What makes it real is your sacrifices, and the fact that you kissed the scraped knee and made it better. That’s what blogs should be written about. The same with the fact that you should feel comfortable in your skin but still strive to being healthier. There is no perfect but going for better is a good thing.
Your personality will not do you favours if you think it shouldn’t change. If you don’t grow you’ll be left behind. Change should not be a dirty word, you should aspire to it. Growth is important to your mental health, pretending you are happy with yourself only hurts you.
Being truthful with yourself is more powerful than people realise. Look for the truth and ridding yourself of fallacies. A better you is a better thing, a stagnant you is unhappiness. Try and get a little better and before you know it you’ll have achieved great things. If you don’t choose change, change will choose you and that’s much harder to deal with.